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I want to be a dad July 30, 2008

Posted by Raul in blogosphere, personal life, random thoughts.
Tags: , , ,

I love me some great blog discussions. Dr. Beth Snow is not only a very funny writer but also is capable of starting animated discussions on her blog like there’s no tomorrow. How she does it? I don’t know. I attribute that to her being ultra witty. But I digress. Beth started a post-BlogHer discussion that I couldn’t help but read, and re-read, and read the commentator’s comments.

Then Kerry Sauriol followed up with her own post on the compartmentalization of bloggers. I admire Kerry for her writing and for the way in which she pushes the envelope and tries to build a blogging community (for West Coast Women bloggers, in particular).

I can’t help but add my two cents (which I added on Beth’s blog) here and admit that I WANT children. I don’t NEED children (as I mentioned in Andy’s blog a few weeks ago, an iPhone to me is a WANT and not a NEED – same case with children). Don’t get me wrong: I can be THE SWEETEST UNCLE on the planet.

In fact, I am REALLY honored when my nieces come to me for advice (my nephews are too young to ask for advice right now). It does make me feel special. When my brothers ask me to babysit, I am really excited. I even get excited when I babysit my friends’ children.

However, as much as I want to be a dad, I am not really in a panic or a rush because I am not a parent yet. And it annoys me as much as it may have annoyed Monica and Beth when people may have commented “oh your biological clock is ticking”. I read that Dan (one of Beth’s friends) had been faced with the same comment.

Disclosure time – 97% (and by that, I mean 97%) of my friends in Mexico are married with children. Three of my closest friends are still single but the vast majority are married with children. So, whenever I am invited out to parties, the registration fee is bringing a child with me. I am SO not kidding. At one of the latest parties I went to when I was in Mexico last, NOBODY except me had anything less than 2 kids. No kidding. Yay, THIS is my scene (NOT!)

I am single by choice, and I am child-less by choice too (technically speaking, it’d be easier for me to have a child if I were a woman should I chose to do so simply by biological design – given that for better or worse, I came with male equipment, thank you very much, and I love it the way it is and wherever it is located, that solution is simply not there). I have this inner desire to be a father because I do admire my parents (I firmly believe both of them played a great role in my upbringing). I admire my brothers as parents. It’d be nice to be a Dad. It would be lovely.

However, it’s not in the cards right now and I’m not going to start flagellating myself because I don’t have children. Corinna, for example, decided that she didn’t want to have kids, and agreed upon this decision with her husband. Any problems? No, none whatsoever. You can actually read their stories on her blog about this decision-making process.

In an inspiring paragraph, Kerry makes a good point – and if I understand it correctly, she meant that BlogHer (the site) should be a site about women who happen to blog, not about MommyBlogging (which is one of the things that Beth pointed out on her great post).

I loved this particular phrase of Kerry’s post:

We cannot GENDERFY (lots of new words here today folks) blogging when it suits us and cry foul when it does not.[WetCoastWomen]

I happen to be a single male who wants to be a parent and who blogs. That doesn’t make me a daddy blogger or a wannabe-daddy blogger. I am a blogger with a myriad of additional elements that help define who I am (being an expert in some environmental issues one of them).

In closing, let me re-emphasize. I WANT to be a Dad. I don’t NEED to be a Dad. Being a parent does NOT define me. But being a parent is something I’d really like. But if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. I’ll be happy either way.



1. luc - July 30, 2008

Speaking about women who blog, Buzz presented an interesting piece Digital Women -25 Factoids to Consider
Me, I’m still in the stage of understanding How Women Work

2. Tanya (aka NetChick) - July 30, 2008

Great post, Raul. I wish more people took the time out before they became parents to figure out WHY they wanted to take that role on. I’m so glad you’ve really thought it through, and I hope it becomes reality for you some day!

3. crunchy carpets - July 31, 2008

This is such a nice and honest post….and yes as Tanya says…more people should think this deeply about the concept of parenting…

And the need or want thing…totally.

We honestly didn’t know…we just felt incomplete as a couple..though we could probably have merrily stumbled along just the two of us too….but when we did have kids…we knew we had made the right decision…even though they have almost killed us.

But there is NO condemnation for those that chose not to have kids…..

But reading Beth’s post and comments…people are dammned if they do and dammed if they don’t..people criticize no matter WHAT you do….

4. Phaedra - July 31, 2008

I love kids, but I made a decision many years ago to make this option not viable for me(tubal ligation). I have a beautiful nephew who I adore, and if I do feel that I would like to raise a child, I would look into adoption of a little one who is the most in need.

Until then, I have a phat cat who demands most of my attention.

5. Raul - August 2, 2008

Thanks all of chiming in πŸ™‚

After my neighbour Debra Mc reminded me of Demon Spawn, I’ve started to re-think my approach to parenthood! πŸ˜‰

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